Trust, it comes by harder than most things.
Who can I trust? Who can I not? What level of trust is there? What if that trust is broken?
These are the questions that run, pile through my mind when I think of opening up, letting myself be really seen by a person. Granted, there aren’t many people in my life – my family, and a couple of old school friends. These are the only people I have to trust. The only people who I could ever trust. Well, that isn’t wholly true, there is one person I trust impeccably, but I have never seen their face, nor heard their voice. Still, they are very dear to me.
Anyhow… trust. Why does it take so much, such a great deal of effort?
I sometimes wonder what life would be like if I knew I could trust every person I met, if I knew there would be no judgement, no apprehensiveness in my abilities, or anger in the lack of. What kind of utopia would this be?
But we exist in reality.
I want to be free of all that burdens me, I want to be transparent in the world, for people to see me for what I really am. Most of all I want to trust myself to not fall apart, to not be perpetually on the edges of danger, to know and to trust that I will be able to pull through the burdens, the things that afflict me. And I want others to trust this too. Trust that I am capable, so that I can trust in them, in their support and withstanding of me.
Trust… where does it begin and end?