I’ve written something about love before. Although, it wasn’t specific to love. Not in the true sense.
I like to rant about things. Sure, maybe people find me slightly opinionated and hard-edged. Yet, I prefer this to having no opinion at all, and that seems to be how many people live their lives.
Love – I don’t how I feel about it. Or if I should feel anything concrete at all.
It seems to be a mysterious enigma that people construct their lives around, that people base their decisions on. Yet, can any one person really explain what it is and what it actually means? Maybe in a subjective manner they can. Love… it’s a all-encompassing term to bundle together all those indescribable and irrational feelings we have. Feelings that fit into no other category, things that cannot be explained using any other word
Love… everyone wants it. It is a universal desire.
I’m not sure I can believe in it though. Believe in love at first sight, love as a concept in the first place… Maybe it’s because of the lack of control I hold over it. I cannot decide when or how it manifests, directed towards whom. I cannot stop nor halt its progress, its recession. Maybe I fear it completely. Maybe I fear what might happen if it ever comes tumbling down after so much time, after so much personal investment. I fear what that would do to me, my mindset.
I feel scared when I see love, and realise what I truly feel is jealousy in return. Love is something I’ve never had. I don’t think I’ve ever even come close. And sometimes, because of this, I become depressed in my inability to create the closeness required, the friendship that must come before.
I wish for change, and yet the change never comes.
Love… it’s jealousy, desire, need, selfishness, exitement, hope, disapointment… it’s not me.