A ‘Banned’ Life

I don’t really like the word banned. Maybe that’s because of my use of it over the years.

I have a somewhat judgemental mind. Though, not towards others, but myself. Of course, my self confidence has always rested somewhere in the gutter. As sad as it is to say, in most regards, I don’t really like myself all that much. Obviously, this is something I want and need to change. And I have been trying!

There are many things I’ve ascribed the word BAN! to:

  • Anxiety
  • Sugary Drinks
  • Self-loathing
  • Shitty People
  • Depression
  • Fast Food
  • Short Hair
  • Nightmares
  • My Awful Facial Hair
  • Judgements
  • Wasting Time
  • Dubstep

Just to name a few……

The thing is, a word, a set of words, a sentance… it does and achieves nothing. Words for the most part mean very little when said to the voice inside our own heads. Ultimately they never stick. I tell myself all these things, the serious and the not-so-serious, and all it seems to do is reinforce the depressive feelings when I abrubtly break the promises I’ve made to myself, and the things I’ve said BANNED! to.

I’d like to live in a world where all these idealisms, these desires, would come true at the flip of a coin, at the thinking of a mere, singular word. But we don’t. And we can’t.

We’ve got to work with what me have. Make the best of it.



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