I haven’t really thought about that week at university too much. In some respects it seems like it didn’t happen at all, in others it is all too clear in memory. Though I don’t chastise myself for it. I don’t tell myself the time was wasted, or that it was for nothing. All experiences are valuable, whether in the first instance they seem good or bad. Experiences are worth more than anything else. They teach us more than anything else. And if it wasn’t anything else, it was surely an experience.
So… that was a month and a half ago… have I changed?
Maybe… perceiving change is a hard thing to do. Especially over such a small period of time. I seriously hope at least the tinniest amount of change has happened, the smallest shred somewhere in my mind. I’m not sure though. I do feel somewhat different. As though the catalyst for that change has just poked its head around the corner and begun work on its long, tedious job. This I feel good about. The notion of it alone is good enough.
For I have until next September to be a new person… no, not a new person, but a new version of myself. A person who is ready, confident, compassionate, motivated. If I am all of these things by that point, then I have the best chance possible to get where I want to go. And even if things then don’t work out. It will be an experience. I can say that I have tried my best, no less.
And trying against all of the odds – that’s the biggest thing any person can do.