Since I was a very young child – as young as I can remember – I have always had very… vivid dreams. Of course, they are different now than they were back then.
I used to have the most horrendous night terrors. I can’t remember too many details – but from what my mum says – I would scream, cry, speak incoherent words, my eyes fully dilated, covered in sweat. One thing I do remember is lunging out of bed, looking out of the window to see a bull charging down the adjacent field, heading straight towards me. Of course, I wasn’t truly awake, though I was standing and my eyes were open. My mum said it scared the living daylights out of her. I can hardly blame her.
As I got older, the night terrors, and nightmares in general dwindled. In no time at all, the night terrors vanished completely, and well… everyone has a nightmare now and then.
It is not the nightmares that concern me, for they rarely come, and if anything they are an annoyance at worst. It is all the other dreams, the magical, the thoughtful, the wonderful, the feeling, the dreams that when awake leave me with such a sense of wonderment and beauty. These are what I sleep for. These are what make my living, conscious days bearable.
It is a hard sensation to explain, but I will try. A few nights ago, I had the most wonderful dream. Sure, it was strange, weird – I suppose as most dreams are. And yet, it was utterly beautiful. Not in what I saw, and nor it what was contained within the world I’d created, but what I felt – the unattainable warmness, the clarity it left with me. It amazes me how this affects my waking life in such a profound manner. In a manner that I could not even… dream of. I felt love, closeness, contentment in a way I never have in reality. And maybe that is a sad realisation once you inspect it… but I like to see it as a reminder of times to come. Of a mechanism to preserve my daylight sanity.
For Christmas I received a book on lucid dreaming, something I have been interested on for a very long while now, something I’ve also been apprehensive of, after reading accounts and stories. Though, I will give it my best shot. I cannot imagine the feeling, the heart-stopping glee that would come from being able to direct a dream. Nightmares…pfft, you don’t scare me!
So… here’s to dreaming. And here’s to all the dreams that remain to amaze!