A Month of Meditation

So… I’ve been meditating for a month, give or take a few days. I think I missed Christmas, but that’s allowed isn’t it? (Shhh, yes, it is!)

I didn’t know what to expect. And well… I still don’t. It would be silly to say I am a different person, it would be silly to say I’ve changed a noticeable amount at all. As with most things – for right, or wrong – I went into it without any expectations, without any preconceptions of what might happen, of what I might feel. Do I feel different, maybe not. Though, I have come to realise that is not the purpose of it anyway. Not to get fixated on the end-game, or the result – but to acknowledge the journey, and what the act of it in itself might one day achieve.

On some days I don’t feel like meditating. Maybe that’s because it has not yet become habit, entwined within my routine – maybe it is something else, a resistance to myself, a lingering servitude to some darker thought. Does it really matter? I tell myself to do it, to sit down for fifteen or twenty minutes, to walk along the path to finding a more in-touch version of myself. Because one day I know it will pay off.

One of my main motivations is, for those of you who don’t know, to overcome my fairly debilitating Social Anxiety. The one that caused me to run away from university after a week. Just remembering back to late September is painful. So, I await this year’s September for when I return. For when I integrate into society after being institutionalised within the catacombs of my own anxious, depressed mind.

I’ll take any help I can stumble upon – meditation being just one thing! Because I have realised it is not the time to live life in the gutter of self-hatred, in the lake of resignation, on the island of utter loneliness.

So, here’s to better times, and to better minds.

-Chris ❀

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46 thoughts on “A Month of Meditation

  1. Nice to see you trying out new things. I really enjoy meditation myself. I’m so sorry about what happened to you. Praying for you to have a wonderful year when you return to university in September. I’m here if you want to talk ☺️

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Many universities, and I really hope yours is one of them, offer a lot of counseling and learning services free as part of your student services fees. Day 1 take advantage of them. Your courage to seek out things will pay off in multitudes. Looking forward to hearing how this September works out.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I am hoping meditation helps me too. I took a break the past two days because intense PMS made it impossible for me to sit without breaking down. I wonder if that is ok.
    Nevertheless, I hope both of us find some peace in meditation.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. “Does it really matter? I tell myself to do it, to sit down for fifteen or twenty minutes, to walk along the path …”

    I’ve studied and practiced zen buddhism. And this is the spirit. To do it anyway and not to think so much, why, why not. You’ve captured the spirit of it all.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Great job on maintaining the habit, especially through the holidays. As someone who started meditating a few years ago for very similar reasons, I can tell you that it definitely pays off. Though the results aren’t always as direct as you might expect. For example, I wouldn’t say meditation got rid of my social anxiety. But it did help me identify a lot of the underlying reasons/thoughts/beliefs that were causing it, which I then worked on from there.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I understand that. Like peeling back layers to see what truly lives there, without directly affecting it. Though it can then be used as a tool to achieve the change. I like it! πŸ™‚ Thank you! ❀

      Like

  6. At the top of your page you say …..While searching for the happiest and the most rewarding route through it……. I’m 73 and all I will say is give yourself permission to make mistakes.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Don’t give up on your daily meditation. When the anxieties of the day grab your attention, just focus on your breathing. You may not feel the difference, but those around you will and will respond to you differently.

    Here’s what Paulo Coelho says about meditation:
    “While he meditates, the Warrior is not himself, but a spark from the Soul of the World. Meditation gives him an understanding of his responsibilities and of how he should behave accordingly.
    A Warrior of the Light knows that in the silence of his heart he will hear an order that will guide him.”

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I find that meditation lowers my stress level almost instantaneously, it also helps when you’re trying to let go of stuff. I’d love if it worked for my social anxiety, I hadn’t even thought of it helping that to tell you the truth.
    Best of luck on your journey!

    Meno<3

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Are you still meditating daily?
    I think it is great that you’re using meditation to overcome anxiety! And I believe it is of the most efficient tools you can use. Cause it helps you to get mindful and become aware of the reason for it and then work through it. It also helps with starting with baby steps and realizing early enough when something gets too much so that we can back off at the right time. I’ve been dealing with panic attacks for the last 13 something years and mindfulness, meditation and yoga have been a huge help. Thank you for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m still meditating daily – there have been a few off days, but I’m working on that! πŸ˜€ You’re right, it’s not about getting rid of the anxiety, but accepting it for what it is, not making a big deal, and then moving on. It’s mind-boggling to think where I might be in 13 years time – hopefully somewhere beautiful! Thank you for the lovely comment! πŸ™‚ ❀

      Liked by 1 person

  10. well done for starting. It’s so difficult to keep up the habit. I set my alarm for 6.30 every morning so I can do 20mins before I get my son up for school. I hit the snooze button every morning and end up meditating (if I remember) mid-morning!! It’s a discipline but I know when I do it regularly the benefits are the most overwhelming and beautiful feelings you can have. Keep it up. I’ll be watching! (and waiting for some motivation too!)…..

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Chris,
    I dig your blog a lot! I can totally feel your presence as I read your posts. I absolutely love this post though because of a few things. One is I have social anxiety as well and am also twenty years old, it sucks and I know it’s a daily struggle for me. So I totally feel you on that! Glad I’m not alone. Secondly, the fact that you’re trying mediation to help with your mental health. All the power to you! I haven’t tried meditating myself as of yet but I do practice yoga in my room, which I find very comforting and relaxing! Maybe you can give that a try if you haven’t already? Just food for thought.
    Anyways, keep focusing on bettering yourself and your mental state – I’m a huge supporter of that! πŸ™‚
    -Alex

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hey! πŸ˜€ I’m glad you like my stuff, it means a lot that I have support like this. Especially from someone who has to deal with the same kinds of things, someone that understands. It sucks big time, but we’ll get through it somehow. And once on the other side, we’ll be a whole lot stronger! πŸ˜€ Oh, I should definitely try yoga – I thought about it, but never seemed to act on it. Thank you for the amazing support, I really appreciate it! πŸ™‚ ❀

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Awesome! Keep it up. I meditate everyday and I definitely feel more balanced, and less anxious in situations which would have normally given me anxiety. You may not feel the difference, but the slowing down of your mind is definitely benefiting you.

    Check out my new blog if you have time πŸ™‚

    Feel free to connect anytime.

    Liked by 1 person

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